Sunny Leone was on point in the way she replied to that scumbag of an interviewer. Yes, I do watch porn but in no way advocate for it as being an ‘art form’; it is what is! However, the approach towards Ms. Leone was far from acceptable and me, vehemently opposing it, was strengthened when I watched this Netflix documentary titled “Hot Girls Wanted” (Yes, I’m on my first free month and using it left, right and centre!).
The other day, I was having a conversation with my friend AD about how the term ‘art’ has been overused and to use it to describe porn is rather far fetched. Nudity in paintings or sculptures has been present for ages and rightly so- the human anatomy is a marvel, a testament to creation being orchestrated by a higher power and above all, it is beautiful and amazing, amazing in the way that leaves us awestruck, aghast and amazed. Celebrating the human body through art is marvellous; desecrating it by making intercourse a public spectacle is not. I know there is volumes of double standard and the statement prior to this reeks of hypocrisy, but allowing one’s body to be ‘free’ doesn’t mean having to f*ck on camera. Similarly, pornography does not amount to art. This belief of mine was reinforced having watched this documentary on the intricacies of amateur porn.
I do watch porn, as I already admitted. Having said that, I also believe that the promulgation of freely available porn has led to a lot of watering down when it comes to sexual interaction. Consider it as a sort of idea that gradually plants itself as mainstream thinking (e.g. diamonds are forever) and porn definitely made substantial impact on our sexual behaviours. Gagging, sadism, rough intercourse- terms that are conspicuous under categories of pornography that have slowly but surely altered our sexual habits and practices and turned it more into an act of power play. There is absolutely nothing with that or to have fantasies around such extreme behaviour, but don’t you think that the same has caused for us to look at women a lot differently in bed? What happened to feeling the love, emotion in motion, and a real connect with your partner instead of vapid, meaningless and rough intercourse? In no world does ‘facial abuse’ or ‘abused teen’ or anything of the sort justify porn as an art form. It is deplorable, dark (yet provocative) and has caused for sex to have become far more extreme, negatively speaking.
One of my ex partners was more aware of this aspect of sexual behaviour and always told me that I was a good lover when the term ‘f*cking’ was in play but I had a long way to go to learn how to ‘make love’. I brushed it off at first, covering up with a romantic gesture or something similar (in bed) but down the line I realised that she was right. In high school, when sex was this endangered unicorn we longed to attain, it seemed far softer and more connected; caressing and holding your partner while looking into her eyes meant more than making her give you a blowjob and feel in control. The effort of mood and lighting meant more than acquiring an empty room where the act could be carried out. Unfortunately, I realised that over the years that feeling and desire of making every intercourse an experience turned into becoming more of a numbers game for me wherein wild and crazy became primary.
The documentary made me ponder over the stigma that a person must have to go through to fulfil a private act on camera. A society that degrades a woman with multiple sexual partners in the past would naturally decimate a woman getting paid to have sex on camera. No, I do not support porn stars and stand by the fact that they have no right to justify that porn is art, but on a level, I sympathise. Somewhere along the line there’s a broken story or a traumatic experience, and more importantly, the need for sustainability or financial viability. Especially when it comes to amateur porn, as per the documentary, it is ridiculous to expect an 18 year old to make the right career choices. We all make stupid choices under duress and it is natural that another human does so too. We all deserve second chances; imagine if our parents did not allow us the dignity of a second chance?!…
Rewind to a few weeks back to when I saw this TED Talk by Ran Gavrieli. Porn indeed brought in a lot of anger into my private fantasies which weren’t originally present in my private fantasies. Porn indeed has become more about subordinance than being appropriate erotica. Feminism is a trending topic pretty much everyday now and it is something I abhor, however, I do feel that the idea of male dominance has greatly permeated into the bedroom through the medium of pornography. To have rough sex without a touch or a hug or a passionate kiss is as bad as humping a toy- again, it permeates as sex primarily being a way to satisfy men- an idea that has gone on for years, causing a chunk of women to go to any lengths to ensure that they are desirable by men.
For me, life before porn was all about the narrative (as he says in the TED Talk)- what will I say to her?What will she say to me? How will I hold her? Will there be glances exchanged? What will the setting be? The mere act of penetration is not all that there is.
I have decided to quit watching porn. I do not want to fail in the ability to imagine. The mind needs to be nurtured, not invaded by junk- we already have enough of that! If a heartfelt film can have an impact on our brain, imagine what unmoderated porn can be capable of. Leading us to believe that large penises and an eternal erection OR a ginormous pair of breasts and sexual desirability is the key to sensuality is cause enough to doom relationships.
There’s a great paucity of love and real bonding as it is, let us not degrade any further.